I went sno-boarding this past week with Brent at Mt. Hood Meadows. I have to admit that I was tearing it up. Well, that's the way I remember it. Okay...actually, I am a pretty sub-par boarder. I have been a very marginal snow boarder for a number of years. I used to blame my below average skills on the fact that I had lousy equipment. A number of years ago, I bought a used board from my brother Dave. I was too cheap to buy actual snow boarding boots--instead, I opted for a pair of stiff mountaineering boots. Without real boots, psychologically, I just couldn't progress.
That all changed the end of last boarding season. I was buying a new snow board on clearance for my most excellent son, when the "dude" (I hesitate to call anyone who has dozens of tatoos and even a greater number of visible body piercings a "salesclerk." He is simply the board shop dude.) who was assisting us suggested that I take a look at the new boarding gear for myself.
"So, old man do you own a board?"
"Yeah, I've been boarding for a while now."
"Sweet. I've got some mondo gear that will have you shreading the great white with your boy here.'
"Really?"
"*#%!! right dude. I've got just the board for you. We call it the 'World Wide Weapon.' It has earned more awards than any other board in the history of 'Snowboarder" magazine."
"Yeah, but will it help me keep up with my son and son-in-law?"
*#*%!! right dude. Your peeps will be calling YOU the 'World Wide Weapon.'"
"Hmmm." I thoughtfully mused. I am not going to lie--the thought of the next generation referring to me as the "World Wide Weapon" has powerful appeal. Admittedly, I have always liked WWF like monikers--you know, names like "The Undertaker", "The Real Deal" or "The Natural." You think twice before messing with a guy with a name like that.
Before I knew it, this Board Shop Dude whom I refused to give any respect as a Sales Clerk had totally worked me and had me shelling out over a $1,000 for gear that I truly believed would transform me into the "World Wide Weapon."
This year when I boarded with the Lil D and her easily manipulated friends, I demanded that they address me as the "World Wide Weapon."
"Hey Mr. Smart, when are we stopping for lunch?"
"Excuse you. You will address me as the 'World Wide Weapon' young man!"
"Sorry 'Mr. WWW', when are we stopping for lunch?"
Mission accomplished!
"'The 'World Wide Weapon' thinks that we will stop for lunch after one more run."
Respect like that does not come easily. It cost exactly $1,134.23!
3 comments:
Dad,
You are the World Wide Weapon for more reasons than your snowboarding gear. Some people just need the visual to figure that out. I considered calling myself the spawn of the world wide weapon, but until I'm "shreading" the great white, I don't think I deserve the title.
Darrell
We've called you the World Wide Weapon for years, in fact ever since we went camping with your family to the Olympic Peninsula. I've never seen anyone that was able to clear people from their tent so quickly. I believe your direct quote was "When in doubt, let it out" Now there's a weapon for ya!!!
Ouch!. There's one thing for certain in life: Friends never let you forget embarassing moments.
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